What Is Resilience?

In psychology, resilience is often defined as the ability to adapt and recover from adversity. It’s not ignoring pain or being invincible; it’s evolving through hardship. 

The concept has a rich history in developmental psychology, with studies tracing its origins through research like Emmy Werner's ground-breaking work on children's adaptability and George Bonanno's insights into trauma recovery. 

True resilience isn't about being bulletproof; it's the process of learning, growing, and healing through life's challenges.

The Red Flag: When "Resilience" Becomes a Weapon

Lately, "resilience" has become a trendy buzzword, with schools, workplaces, and social media promoting messages like "be more resilient" without ever defining what resilience actually is.

For many, this message is harsh and often weaponised. It can feel like, "Fix yourself or else." Online communities, such as Reddit, are full of powerful testimonies about how this term has been used to shame or silence people who were simply seeking support (Reddit Links Below).

Critically, many researchers argue that this messaging places the entire burden on individuals. Instead of pushing for systemic change like accessible environments, safer workplaces, or improved mental health resources, it tells people they just need to "be stronger."

Reddit - Why Resilience Is Harmful: The Normalizing Of Unnatural Social Distress

Reddit - Resilience is not the answer people think it is

Reddit - Chronic Illness & 'Resilience'

Reddit - Resilience & White Therapist Missing the Mark

Why Pop Culture's Version of Resilience Can Be Harmful

It individualises systemic problems. A toxic boss isn't seen as a problem with the work culture, but rather as a challenge you need more resilience to overcome.

It creates a false expectation of invulnerability. People sharing their trauma stories are often met with "Wow, you're so resilient." But what if they're still hurting? This praise can feel invalidating and dismissive of their ongoing struggles.

It shames people who aren't coping. This narrative implies that struggling is a character flaw rather than a real, embodied response to difficult circumstances.

A Healing Reframe: What Embodied Resilience Can Look Like

True, embodied resilience is a journey, and it is built on a foundation of self-compassion, support, and authentic rest.

Not a Trait, but a Process. Resilience is not a case of 'you have it or you don't'. It's a skill you build over time through hard-earned adaptation, support, and learning. This process-oriented view acknowledges that healing is non-linear and takes time.

Built with Help, Not Self-Isolation. Real resilience is a collective effort. It depends on community, trust and inclusivity. 

Rest, Not Just Grit. Pushing through without breaks, often called "toxic resilience," leads to burnout and disconnection. True resilience requires pausing, recharging, and allowing your body and mind to repair.

Sometimes, Resilience Was Forced Early. For many neurodivergent or trauma-affected people, resilience emerged because there was no other option. This kind of survival can feel hollow and may need to be unlearned in favour of a gentler, more compassionate approach.

How to Embody Safe, Sustainable Resilience

Building healthy resilience is about honouring your own experience and needs. Here’s how you can start:

Start with self-compassion. Accept that needing help, feeling tired, or even falling apart sometimes is human and valid. 

Learn from what you've survived—not what you’ve endured. Reflect on how your coping strategies formed and whether they still serve you now. This is a powerful step to take.

Build a support system. Resilience flourishes in collective care. Choose people and spaces that see your full, authentic self.

Honour your nervous system’s pace. Slow down. Let "good enough" be enough. Adapt your expectations to what your brain and body can realistically manage.

Watch for toxic narratives. If an unqualified person tells you to "be more resilient," ask yourself: Are they offering support, or just demanding endurance?

Final Thoughts

Resilience is real, but it's not always heroic. It’s not about bouncing back at all costs; it’s about surviving and then beginning to heal. It's a process forged in care, community, and self-compassion.

At Mind Vista, I believe in reclaiming resilience on your terms. If you're curious how therapy can support this journey, you can explore more or book a free intro call today.