Let’s Get Real About Resilience

We hear the word resilience all the time. But let’s be honest: half the time it’s paired with unhelpful messages like, “just think positive” or “good vibes only.”

Here’s the truth:
Resilience isn’t about being cheerful through chaos. It’s about coping with what life throws at you, even when it’s hard. Even when you’re tired, scared, overwhelmed, or just over it.

I believe you can be resilient and messy, anxious, uncertain, or low. Resilience doesn’t mean pretending to be fine, it means honouring your experience and finding tools that actually work for you.

What Toxic Positivity Misses

Toxic positivity tells us:
    •    “Everything happens for a reason.”
    •    “It could be worse.”
    •    “Just look on the bright side.”

While well-meaning, these kinds of statements can shut down real emotional processing and leave us feeling unheard.

Emotional resilience, on the other hand, is about expanding your capacity to feel, respond, and adapt without bypassing your very real experience.

What Is Emotional Resilience, Really?

In simple terms, emotional resilience is:

🌀 The ability to cope with life’s stressors in a flexible, healthy way
🌱 A skillset that helps you bounce back without ignoring your feelings
🧠 A protective factor against burnout, anxiety, depression, and overwhelm

It’s something we build, not something we’re born with. Let’s explore how.

🛠 Tools to Build Emotional Resilience (That Aren’t Toxic)

1. Emotional Labelling

Putting words to how you’re feeling can reduce intensity and help you process. It’s called affect labelling and it’s backed by neuroscience.

Try this:
    •    Pause and check in: What am I feeling right now?
    •    Use specific words: instead of “bad,” try “disappointed,” “overwhelmed,” or “unmotivated.”
    •    Pair it with self-compassion: “It makes sense I feel this way.”

Tool: Use a mood tracker or emotion wheel in a journal or app.

2. Name Your Stress Triggers

Awareness is step one. If you’re constantly on edge, what’s driving it?

Try this simple prompt:
    •    What situations tend to spike my stress or anxiety?
    •    Is it social situations? Conflict? Perfectionism? A lack of structure?

Once you know your patterns, you can respond with more intention.

3. Practice Micro-Resets

You don’t need a 10-day retreat to feel more grounded. Micro-resets throughout the day can help calm your nervous system.

Try this 3-minute strategy:
    •    Box breathing: Inhale 4 – Hold 4 – Exhale 4 – Hold 4
    •    Progressive muscle relaxation: Tense and release muscle groups
    •    5-4-3-2-1 grounding: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, and so on.

Use these when you feel overstimulated, overwhelmed or scattered.

4. Ditch the All-or-Nothing Mindset

Resilience doesn’t require perfection. In fact, rigid expectations often lead to burnout.

Try this reframing exercise:
    •    What would it look like to do this imperfectly but still show up?
    •    Can I do 20% instead of 100% today and call that enough?

Small actions count. Always.

5. Nurture Connection (Even Quiet Ones)

One of the biggest predictors of resilience? Feeling connected to others.

But community doesn’t have to mean a massive group. It can be one understanding friend, a support group, or even your therapist.

Ideas to build connection gently:
    •    Join an online group
    •    Message someone just to say “thinking of you”
    •    Speak honestly with someone you trust (even if it’s awkward)

Feeling seen and safe helps regulate your nervous system. We’re wired for connection.

6. Build Your Emotional ‘Toolbox’

Here’s the deal: one-size-fits-all doesn’t work.

Start collecting a handful of tools that support you:

📝 Journaling when you’re overwhelmed
🎵 Listening to music that matches your mood
🌿 Spending time in nature or quiet spaces
📱 Using calming apps like Insight Timer or Finch
🛁 Creating a wind-down ritual at night

Ask yourself: What helps me feel more like me?

7. Make Space for the Messy Bits

This one’s big. Let yourself have the off days.

Resilience isn’t about never struggling—it’s about not beating yourself up when you do.

Speak to yourself like you would a friend. Especially on the days when you’re not sure you’re doing it “right.”

🧡 Therapy Can Help You Build Resilience, Too

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

I offer online counselling that’s laid-back, affirming, and tailored to your unique needs—whether you’re navigating:
    •    Anxiety, stress, or burnout
    •    ADHD, autism, or sensory overload
    •    Low self-esteem or identity exploration
    •    Feeling stuck or emotionally disconnected

My approach is person-centred, LGBTQIA+ and neuro-affirming, and designed to feel safe and grounding, never clinical or one-size-fits-all.

Ready to Build Your Resilience?

You don’t need to wait until things fall apart to start therapy!

If you’re feeling stretched, overwhelmed, or just tired of holding it all together, this might be the right time to talk.

✨ Book a free 20-minute consultation
✨ Check out the Daily Wellbeing Journal
✨ Explore the full blog hub

You don’t have to be “strong” all the time to be resilient.

You just have to keep showing up as you are.

And we can do that together.

Further Resources:
    •    NHS - Bouncing Back from Life's Challenges
    •    Mental Health Foundation – Building Resilience